Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
