mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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