planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
