Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
