i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
