dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
