the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
