Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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