my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
