elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
