Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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