I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
