Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he thought i was a dude.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
