Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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