well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
