I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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