whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
