just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
