I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
