You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
