They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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