i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
