I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
