my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
