How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
