If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
