for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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