In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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