TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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