So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
