Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
