My friends, they love my intelligence
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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