and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
