Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
