her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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