I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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