He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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