it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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