exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
