if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
