Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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