I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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