how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
