would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
