bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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