That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
