Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
