Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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