i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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