i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!