i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"