Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void