i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?