we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.