Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
