And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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