good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it glows. i had to have it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
