so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
