Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I cut my penus on the lid.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
