allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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