she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If that was your dad, he is hot
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
