I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
