I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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