Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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