I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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