I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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