Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
