just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
