wakey wakey hands off snakey
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize