I just pynch a tree in the face
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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