i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
