Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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