Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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