the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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