somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
