Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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