I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
