i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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