all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
