he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
