i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
